where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
