Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
