Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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