I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yo dont text me then not text me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
