She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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