I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
