I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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