I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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