you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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