Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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