I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
