Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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