Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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