I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
