my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
