nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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