Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
