she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
