i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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