if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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