Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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