Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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