His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
