Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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