so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
