Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
