can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
