I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
