Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
