Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
