We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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