we have pet lesbian snakes
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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