My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
