im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
