Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
