Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
