The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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