He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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