i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
