I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
