Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
