and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
