The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
