oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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