I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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