Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
wow bdsm is so cute
Help. Why am I so naked?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
