It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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