Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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