Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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