i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
