I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
