I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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