i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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