If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize