I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
