Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
