Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
