Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
