Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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