their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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