I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
