Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize