I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
