dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
