I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
