I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
