Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
